Total Humbug

I so hate this time of year.  When I ask how your holidays were I don't wanna hear about all the 'things' you got.  In truth, nobody actually cares.  Why do we do this?  Season of giving my ass.  I'm sick of these hushed whispers of worrying some friend/family/acquaintance/whatever isn't really getting much for xmas.  It's like some crime/abuse to the human spirit if you don't get sufficient christmas gifts.  But honestly do you remember how much was under the tree growing up?  Or even last year?  Sure gifts are nice, it's a love language for crying out loud, but I don't think anyone cares to hear your xmas list, sorry.

Should I get off the soap box now??  I dunno I think it's very slimming for my legs??

Sometimes you just have to enjoy those hideous childhood pictures

Have I ever told you how awkward looking I was growing up??

P.S.  Thanks Mom & Dad for all the orthodontic work

A place for the random thoughts in my head

The vacuum is broken.  I might have spent my morning using packaging tape as a pseudo-vacuum to clean the carpet for cleaning checks.  I know it's really weird but I'm really proud of my odd resourcefulness.  Makes me feel like I have some greater capacity to accomplish great things with limited resources. 

My roommate gave me a tube of lipstick this week.  I've never been able to find a red that shows up as red on my lips.  Somehow my lips have this magical power to turn it into some hideously fluorescent pink instead of red.  But this lipstick shows red.  Now I just need to get myself to leave the house wearing it while not feeling like a total poser. 

General conference is like the superbowl for mormons.

I really hate people who say I love you haphazardly.  It literally makes me squirm.  It takes everything to hold my tongue when I see/hear it.  I want to call them out on it and ask what they really mean by that?  In the english language I don't know of an expression we have to express more fully our care for someone.  And I hate that people so casually use it.  It's like it lessens the meaning.  Consider your diction you love-whores.

On the subject of diction, men with good diction are severely attractive.  Especially if they're not fat.

Story Time

Sometimes life in provo includes going to one of many free pizza events at brick oven. It was also quite entertaining to hear all the bull they spouted on how selling alarm systems is so.... awesome?? sometimes they wanted you to believe that and sometimes they didn't. They went on and on and on about how great the money is. (seriously did the math, first year average sales came out to about $12.50 an hour, which isn't horrible but for what it is is soooooo not worth it) But they also compared the experience to being in jail. They even used tactics like "this job isn't for everyone, we're looking for people who are hard working and like adventure" who sits there and is like dang, I hate adventure. And everyone thinks they work hard. And don't worry, I was never considering for a second selling alarm systems door to door. A friend just really wanted to go for the free dinner. And I wasn't about to say No, lets just go buy food elsewhere. But it made me think how people sacrifice their happiness for money. Obviously the people there were making good money doing what they were doing, otherwise they wouldn't do it. 13 hour days people! Knocking doors. Plus weekends! But you know they aren't happy to do it. And yeah there are people who do well and make bank. Let's be honest, money can buy happiness. Maybe that's their secret??

The Power of Free

Time for some honesty... a large focus of mine for the last couple months has been, well, men. I've spent most of my free time dating, and a lot of it. But I think I have reached that completely exhausted faithless moment where I need a break. But that's just a Jerry Springer-esque story for another day. In my pondering on the subject I realize that if I take a break from dating, my social life is going to take a huge hit. And honestly being social is very important to me. It's generally a good release for me from the stresses of life. So I thought well what should I focus my time on instead??? Well how about your crafting obsession? Great idea except you can't afford to even be spending anything on it. Sure you have a supply of tools/materials in a cupboard but not enough to get done the projects that you want/need to get done that should be on the list far before the I'm wasting crafting supplies so that I have something to do items.

So instead I've been thinking how can I get stuff for free?? Or at least practically free?? Latest idea?? Scour the ksl free section, pick up something, redo it (i have enough supplies to do some basic refinishing) and sell it for ridiculously cheap. It's a nice thought right?? I thought of it when I had to sell some furniture before moving into the van this summer. I sold my armoire and nightstand in like a day. Both for more than I paid. Now don't get me wrong, they were originally steals and I sold them so quickly because they were still great deals. So I'm wondering how hard it would be to do this?? Decided that I'd watch the free section today and see if anything good came up, so far, well it's Sunday. Not much luck. We'll see how far my resourcefulness can go.

Back to.... Boring

Well I'm officially settled in to normal life again... kind of. Enough that I no longer have crazy van life stories. And not enough that I've had much room for any fun crafts. I'm caught in between. Mostly because I can't afford to spend money on the several projects I'd like to get done for my personal space. So for those who follow.... things are pretty boring here. I moved out of my car finally. Live in a house. I have a tiny room off the kitchen. It's really quaint though and I love it. After working obnoxious hours at the roadshows I bought my first bed. I'm a big girl now. No frame but I have a mattress and box spring on the floor. Which are some lovely hardwoods by the way. My room even has a chair rail but it's mostly annoying cuz I'll sit in bed and bonk my head on it. I have a few things up on the walls in my room and bathroom but not enough for it to even be kind of considered finished. And after the roadshows finished my fundage came to a hault so no nightstands, floor lamp, bed frame. etc, etc. I did just start a new job. It is exceedingly frustrating. I feel entirely undervalued. My equals are 19 year olds who text and do zero work and ask me how much longer til I'm done doing the work. That's not even an exaggeration. And oh happy day I make 75 cents an hour more than the 16 year olds I "direct" for lack of a better word. I'm above them but it's not like I give them assignments really because generally they know what they should be doing. It's pretty simple. I'm noticing my boss seems to trust me more to get things done as she leaves me alone to get things done more and more but I like to think $8 an hour is a bit low for what I'm doing. Especially in comparison to my co-workers. But when you've worked somewhere not quite a month I can't imagine it's appropriate to ask for a raise. Don't you think?

Milkshakes

Me: made eyes with a super cute guy at costco. Woot Woot!!
Jat: your milkshake brings all the boys to the costco
Me: I wish!
Jat: your child sized milkshake then
Me: Ha! Ok deal!
Jat: Some people have small appetites
Me: True. And some are on diets.

So there you have it. I'm made for someone either on a diet or with a small appetite

Buying in "Bulk"

I might have the weirdest taste buds. Those who know my eating habits can vouch for me. Lately though the best sounding meal??? HOT DOGS!!! I don't know what started this. I've always liked them but lately I LOVE them. If you give me any option or a hot dog, I'll go with a hot dog. With that in mind I started my job yesterday, working a road show in a costco. I eyed the huge sign for a hot dog and drink for $1.50!!!! The price alone has me sold but the giant picture with the minced onions has me weak at the knees!!! So after staring at the sign a good 5 1/2 hours I promptly ordered one the second I clocked out. They hand me this little foil wrapped delight but they should have put a disclaimer on the wrapping. I had NO idea what I was getting into. I go over to the condiment area to dress that sucker up and as I peel back the foil I immediately avert my eyes out of habit. I was then embarrassed to have this treat in my hands in public! Yes, I know I find every little thing to sexual that is entirely innocent but I've seen less embarrassing pictures on the internet. I push forward though, I can't just hide this mammoth thing, remember it's costco. Everything is in "bulk"!! Quite literally!! So I just hurry and throw some ketchup, mustard, and onions on there and think at least it's hidden... until you turn it to take a bite and it's staring right at you!!!! I give up and wrap it back up and go to my car where I can eat it somewhat privately. The whole time I'm thinking do people give this to kids?!?! or haha "bulk!"

Further Hair Abuse

Don't ask me the last time I showered....

Hair Abuse

It is such a curious thing to me that washing my face with a garden hose and the somewhat rare shower is doing incredible things for my hair and skin. And I'm not the only one to notice. I guess a bit of abuse is good for it?? Again life you win! I'll never understand you.

Chance with a Y????

People these days. Met a friend and past hookup of Di-anus's. His name: Chaynce. Pronounced like Chance. I guess his mom figured it needed a y thrown in there though. Such a trend these days too. I mock it openly! Seriously his name in my phone is currently Chaynce with a Y?? What is the world coming to?

Fine Lines

When a guy takes me out and is dropping a lot of money I think one thing: Great how much is he expecting me to put out for this evening?? Sounds like prostitution but I know I'm not alone. You feel obligated to be worth a guy's time and money sometimes.

Case in point: One time a couple years back I was picking up some taco bell real quick as I was hurrying to class. I took just a second too long fumbling with my wallet that the next guy in line just paid. Of course I resisted but he insisted. (lots of sisting) The worst part is all I could do is say thank you and ditch. I had class I was running to, and I informed him of such but to this day I still feel bad that I didn't sit and eat and chat with him at least. I'm pretty sure he didn't plan on paying for a brief thank you and second glance.

So last night a male was seeking my time, however it meant leaving Di-anus to work by herself and driving 20 miles each way. Of course to appease me this male offered a tank of gas for my time. Which puts me right in the dillemma I always hit... I don't need compensated for spending time with a man, I'm no hooker. Or is it more chivalrous for him to offer to take care of me. How many times have I found myself staring down the fine line between chivalry and whoring??? Well it's nice of him... but what is he expecting?? I'm an adult and can take care of myself. But sometimes its sweet for a guy to want to take care of things??

Conclusion: We all know nice guys finish last. Chivalry is how nice guys figured out how to get laid*



*Special thanks to Sween in voicing the conclusion

More Van Life

Since moving to the van lots has changed. First thing I notice is my sleeping habits. I hardly need much sleep anymore. I don't have a problem sleeping. I sleep like the dead as always but 8 hours a night is a big thing for me.

Eating is always a challenge!!! No stove, fridge, microwave, etc. I'm becoming severely malnourished I'm sure. If you saw the bruises on my legs I'm sure you'd agree. The weird part is I have more energy than I used to have. Why?? I swear I'll never understand how my body works.

I'm getting better and better at using the reflections off my car as a mirror!!! Success!!

The obvious: getting tons of sun.

Dating life sucks. At best I meet Di-anus's friends or some guy in a bar. If they're cute either Di-anus gets to sleep with them or she already has. And we are both disgusted by sister sloppy seconds so lets not go there. Pretty sure guys at a bar picking up chicks aren't looking for someone who won't sleep with them anyways.

Public bathrooms really are your friend!! Seriously I love a clean public bath. Especially if it has a plug-in. Can clean-up, get ready, and charge the phone!!

Tanning Trends??

Di-anus occasionally picks up some hours at a tanning salon and so I tagged along for some internet, electricity to charge my phone, and some air conditioning! Nice right?? Well they have all these little stickers for people to use when they tan to have a cute tan line kinda symbol. The stickers are a heart, smiley face, lips, a playboy bunny, you know all the normal girly flirty tan lines. But they also had a marijuana leaf. Is that an odd option? I thought it totally didn't fit in at all with the other options and kind of funny. I tend to think that generally most stoners don't spend much time in a tanning bed. I'll probably just never understand the world.

Sister Time

I figure I should use some pics, although these are from a few weeks ago. In the me vs. Di-anus pool competition she won. I didn't expect much anything because I'm horrible at it. But I kept up pretty good. I was proud.


Example of our relationship:
When we went to the street music fair I got hungry and ordered a milkshake and Di-anus wanted some onion rings so I put it on my bill and covered it. Di-anus is drunk and therefore a bit cranky as she usually is when drunk. I snacked on her onion rings and she snapped at me and pulled them away. She came to the realization later once sobered up a bit what she did and that I didn't order myself food and she helped herself to my shake. She apologized a bunch but I didn't much care. I am used to drunk Di-anus by this point. But the next morning at about 7am she wakes me up in the van to breakfast in bed and more apologies. It was kind of cute and very delicious. Sourdough toast with blackberry jam, scrambled eggs with extra cheese, bacon, and apple juice. This is an especially nice meal for van life. Oh our weird relationship!

Do You Get Along??

The common question when people find out Di-anus and I are sisters and staying together people often ask if we get along really well. The answer: NO!!!

How do we do it then? really we're family and have gotten really good at just getting resolving our issues or letting them go. So do we get along, hell no! But we're pretty damn good at making up and forgiving and just learning each others flaws and how to avoid them when we can. Isn't that life though??

Laughable Moments

Di-anus passed out but answering the phone: Ya, ya, I know, gotta go, bye (I could hear the guy on the other end just being confused. What? Hey what you up to? Hey!) hangs up the phone and say something along the lines of cub and says doctor a few times.
Me: Are you awake?
Di-anus: ya, stupid Cub keeps texting me
Me: Do you know what you just said?
Di-anus impatiently snapping: Ya! Cub is texting me when i'm trying to sleep.
Me: No, I mean before that
Di-anus: Ya Cub, doctor doctine..... (goes back to mumbling and passes out)

Even better a couple minutes later she wakes up to a text from the guy who is confused about the call. We pretty much go through the same conversation before but this time is somewhat more alert and says no what did I say? I tell her that she answered her phone and what she said but right as I'm about to finish the story she starts to pass out and screams "f-ing shut up I'm trying to sleep!!!!"

Even better the next morning I explained the whole story the next morning. She thought it was hilarious. She was finally awake for real.

It's about the little things

Last night before passing out I was contemplating how my life has so utterly changed...

Yesterday I used the bathroom at a D.I. (thrift store for those of you who don't know) and a random pub. (for those of you concerned I'm not hydrated believe me I've been drinking a ton! My body is prob just using all fluids as I bike all over in 90 degree heat)

I now pack a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse so I can brush my teeth in some public bathroom. Today I did at a tattoo parlor Di-anus used to work at.

Living with Di-anus!!! As she puts it herself "I'm a belligerent B*tch when I'm drunk" Me: ya, I know. I've immediately become amazing at not taking anything personally. I'm also getting in the practice of keeping track of where something get put or what gets said or whatever happens. Once sobered up something is lost, or what was said? or what happened? It's actually very entertaining to explain what happened and her utter shock to realize "I said that," "he said that," I did that!!!"

Van Life

First of all Van life is kind of hard. Limited space. You can't stand up all the way. No running water. Very interesting though. After the first night of limited sleep we went to my dad's vet clinic to store some of my stuff that I won't be using now that I am sans apartment. Enjoyed some Internet and electricity and running water. (ha ya it's quite the commodity in case you're normal and take it for granted) Then I dropped by my parentals place for a few hours to chat with the kids and drop off a few things. Borrowed some milk so I could have some cereal I've packed. (ya eating is also quite difficult) Then Di-anus passed out on the couch, I think her sleep deprivation caught up to her. So I cuddled up with Poody and we napped on the couch together. Brings back so many tender and precious of napping with my baby! :'(

We got back from Burley in time to help coach cheer out in BFE. Ya some tiny high school who just decided to start a cheer program and Di-anus indirectly knew the coach and offered to help out. It was nice and made me realize how horrendously out of shape I am but nice to re-live the glory days a bit. It'll be a fun little hobby for us for the rest of this summer. Did I mention I totally loved it? Some days I really miss cheering, loved it that much.

So we went home and crashed in the van feeling sore and out of shape only for Di-anus getting me up the next morning to bike. We were gonna shop a bit. But it turned into biking all over town. I loved being on this cute little red vintage bike with a basket (ya i know you're seeing it now, so cute!) So ya a little one-speed bike going all over town and the rider being ridiculously out of shape??? Ya today I am in currently in severe pain! Having to sit down makes me almost weep! I'm telling myself this will get me into shape though and save gas money so I haven't given up the idea of biking yet. Although I'm waiting to heal first!!

Did pick up a few groceries though without spending gas and enjoyed a little street fair that night (I got a ride!) where everyone was getting drunk. (are we seeing a common trend?) Enjoyed the live music and little community atmosphere. And then of course passed out again out of utter exhaustion. My legs are throbbing!

The Beginning

Where to begin.... Decided last minute to move out of my Provo apartment. The mold and crappy place made me exceedingly sick. (Still am wondering if I've developed some kind of chronic lung inflammation??) So with spring term ending and the opportunity to move I thought I'd visit Rico Suave for a time and then go up to Idaho and renew some family times and enjoy the psychotic qualities of my family and small town. However, Rico being busy with a pissing contest at work leaves me just heading straight to Idaho... last night. So I text Di-anus and tell her we'll be slumber partying in the van. I proceed to get a call every hour from drunk sister asking where I am, where I reassure her I am still on track on the way home. I finally get to Twin Falls and call sister several times to wake her from being passed out and meeting me at her work (cute little coffee house, I officially love it although I'm suspecting its haunted) She then jumps on her bike drunk out of her mind and gets pulled over. Yes on her bike. Never having had a drink or experience being drunk I never knew you could get in trouble for drunk peddling?? By some miracle the cop didn't smell the booze on her and she made it to work. It is almost 3 at this point and I am ready for bed hours ago, but Di-anus insists I must stay at work to keep her company (ya she is an early morning cook, ya somehow she's learned to cook something besides toast, and ya its all lovely, healthy baked good that are garnished all cute, I'm kinda jealous) so with my impaired health I insist on sleeping and crash for a few hours on the little couch they have in the corner of the shop. I'm precious I know. I slept like the dead. Literally so heavy that I didn't toss and turn or close my mouth. I woke up with my tongue hard as a rock and dried out. (sounds disgusting and abnormal but its happened a couple times before, not fun) So woke up feeling like garbage and attempted to rehydrate my tongue. I also woke up to this really creepy, evil feeling. No clue why but just ignored it and put it out of my mind. Had to be up so that some bum isn't sleeping on the couch when the place opens at the butt-crack of dawn. Admire Di-anus's lovely cooking skills and met a co-worker who came in to open. I further admired his breakfast making skills and complimented them and asked if he made such precious lovely breakfasts for his wife (it would be so precious and romantic in my head) and he responds "no i do not garnish my wife's breakfasts" haha. (hint: if any man would like to court and further woo me garnishing my breakfast would be a great start) So finally we get out of the coffee shop and back to the van. Ya I drove 10-15mph behind Di-anus on her bike. Good thing it was only a few blocks. We get back and she proceeds to tell me every little detail she's already repeated to me several times throughout the night in her drunken state
Di-anus: tidbit about the night or life lately
Me: Yes, I know
Di-anus: How do you know?
Me: You've mentioned it several times already.
Di-anus: Oh sorry, I was drunk
Me: Yes, again I know

So we get in to the van and enjoy some pillow talk which is very not appropriate to share and also very meaningless. Although I did enjoy the story of how her blanket got "poo" (marshmallow) on it. (cliff notes version: went camping and was roasting marshmallow and it lit on fire. attempted to put in out by shaking it vigorously and sent melty marshmallow flying. Blanket later got drug through it. Ya she did act out the shaking a burning marshmallow violently) So we slept in the bed in the van (love shak) and I was a little disturbed that younger sister living in the van has hella nicer pillows than me. Then I happened to be able to get a few more hours of sleep (4) before Di-anus insisted on getting us up. I've said enough for now...To be continued.....

Reader Discretion is Advised

Alright... a bit impulsively I have packed up and moved. Where? well kind of in limbo. I'm splitting the difference between my sister's van, my parent's house, and the "apartment" at my dad's vet clinic. Decided it was high time for a little less planning and a lot more adventure. So all of my craft stuff is currently in storage. So no more craft posts (Until late august when i go back to normal life) So be warned!! I decided to document much of the entertainment because I know it is a wealth of laughter and enjoyment to those who appreciate my sense of humor. SO BE WARNED!! This blog is going from a G rating to PG13. I'll try to keep things from the R level but for those of you know my sister/family this will take some skill. You are officially warned. Feel free to live vicariously through me!

*reminder: I do swear like a sailor with tourettes but I'll try to be mindful

Lavender Sachets!!!

Sorry for the crappy pics, currently using just my phone :( But I heard about these adorable lavender sachets in all my blog reading and I just had to have some!! Smell great and the cutest things ever!!!! You can find them here. I highly recommend them!! (she even threw in some personalized bonus ones, she's so sweet!)

Support our Veterans

Ok so I just found this adorable dress!! Isn't it incredible?? Found it here. For $32.95 and helps support veterans. Rock on. It'd be at the top of my wish list if they had my size left.

Summer fashion

I'm always shopping. Always! Why? Because I like to find pretty things for great prices!! And I wanted to share a look I love for summer!!! Can't you just see it now?? Riding a vintage bicycle, enjoying the summer sun?? I'd totally buy them and model if I had the funding to. (I'll accept donations though??)

Straw Cloche $15 at tillys.com and the dress is $22.99 at milanoo.com

Argh!! I like your booty!!

My latest project... baby booties. Crocheted these suckers. So tiny and precious!!

My Own Backyard

This is a little embarrassing to admit first off that I've been so clueless as to what I have so near to me.... But I have to share.... Had a BEAUTIFUL weekend in Salt Lake. I had never been to trolley square but... I am so in love. It is so beautiful, wonderful, amazing!! Even had lunch in the train in the old spaghetti factory. It was delicious and also picture perfect!! (I didn't take pics though. So sad...) While there I found Pottery Barn.... which is so embarrassing that I didn't know that it was there. Loved every minute though. Also spent some time at the Gateway Mall... ya sadly I never have before. Just ate there once so I didn't walk through it or look around. And I discovered we had an ANTHROPOLOGIE!!!!!!!! I know anyone who is anyone is like der?! But I had never even been in one let alone knew there was one so close to me!!! How could I be such a fool? It was very mind-blowing. I could have spent years there. Definitely a very lovely weekend...

Laundry Room Idea

I think this is such a clever idea for Laundry room decor. If I had a laundry room I would move this to the front of my to do list!!!


Check out how to do it here

Ruffle Tank

So I'm tired of always walking into DownEast Basics and seeing a basic wife-beater with ruffles being sold for $25. It's been making me crazy!! So I decided to pick up a tank at Wal-mart for $3 and added some ribbon I had in the craft closet and made this lovely. I'm very proud. I realize the first two pics aren't the greatest quality or good for showing the tank but the only ones that turned out were me being a goof! Just my luck right???

Days Like This

It's 54 degrees outside right now and sunny!!! You can see and smell spring coming. After a cold winter there's nothing more motivating and exciting than a nice day like this. I want to go out and take pics. And lay out in the sun! I am so excited for warm weather!!

One of my new favorites

Here I am modeling my new necklace. I am in love!!! So adorable right? and only $7.80 at Forever 21. I definitely couldn't pass it up. I love a good find like this.

Resolutions???

So it's the new year!! Ya I'm a little late, I know. Been busy with extended holidays :) Anyways... I've never been a resolution maker. seems dumb to me. I usually try to regularly make goals and have never needed a reason like a new year to want to change things. We are always trying to change ourselves??? why??

Well on that note I have a recent goal. Not for the new year but just because money is tight as of late and my craft closet is overflowing.... Therefore: No more buying more stuff for crafts. Yep no shopping for crafts. How is that possible??? well I have a whole closet of supplies for one. And two: I'm surprisingly resourceful. I have a million projects to finish anyways. and even after that I have plenty of stuff I can do.

Here's to de-cluttering!!

Upcycled Cardigan

So... I can't decide which of these pics is worse? Maybe I'm too self critical? nah. They're just awkward pics with my phone. I need to quit being so lazy and just get out the camera. But then I have a memory card full of pics I never post. What to do??


I know... Do I have no dignity to care that I look like a teenage girl taking pics in the mirror? It had to be done though to show off this cardigan I whipped out this morning. It's just an old shirt I re-did and I love the green color with my red hair. Enjoy the cardigan, not the pics. Or even my hair cuz I actually did it today.